Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
