This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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