Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
