Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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