somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
