My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
