He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
