Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
