Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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