just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
