Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
