Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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