I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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