you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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