I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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