woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
