if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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