Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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