Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
