Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
