I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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