she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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