Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I died a long time ago.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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