just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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