if you like me you must not know who I am
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
