She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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