We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
