I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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