I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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