I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
