i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
