Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
