Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I deserve this hangover.
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