So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
