I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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