so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, beer. Big fan.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
