Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
