I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
