i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
