genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
