Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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