operation harelip BJ is a go
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drunk is not a location!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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