Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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