You're so nebulous sometimes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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