some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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