I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
