I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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