Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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