I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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