I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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