I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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