it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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