it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
