i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
