But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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