Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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