He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
