my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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