just come out here and I will go home with you...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
