Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
