K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
